So the other day I was in the hospital and I came upon a woman who was 88 years old. She was very sick...and I knew that it wouldn't be too much longer before it was her time. However, it wasn't her time yet. I started to walk past her room, when I stopped and looked. Her eyes were calling to me. She knew I was there...she could feel me. I walked into her room and sat down with her. She couldn't see me...but she knew that I was close to her. She had been suffering for a while...she was tired...and she was weak. She didn't say it out loud, and she didn't even look at me, but I could see it in her face.
She was ready for me.
I might have taken care of it right then and there...I could have simply reached in and plucked her soul away, ending her suffering. However, it wasn't quite time yet. God told me to wait a little longer. So I did. I got up and I lightly touched her head, to show that I was sorry...and that she would have to be patient. She felt my touch and trembled a little...but not out of fear, but rather out of understanding. I then left the room and went on my way to the next soul. However, I haven't forgotten that woman...and I intend to return soon for her and let her finally be at peace.
This kind of thing happens from time to time. I know that I sometimes say that I love children...well I also find myself having a great deal of respect for the elderly. They have seen life...and they have experienced much. They have walked through the toughest parts of existence and have come out of it with scars to show and stories to tell. Then, at some point or another, they look at me and they smile. They accept me and tell me that they are ready. It's not always said in words, but in their look. But it's not the look you might imagine.
When a person accepts me, they usually have one of two kinds of expressions. Sometimes it is a look of defeat. I see this most in those who commit suicide. They surrender to the toils of life and decide that they would rather give up than continue on with their life. I won't pretend like life isn't hard...but I will say that I don't have much respect for those who would toss aside their lives in defeat and decide that I'll be an easy alternative. That doesn't impress me.
Actually, I prefer when their expression is one of peace. They look at me with a look of accomplishment. They have seen what life has to offer...they have faced it...and they have overcome. They do not fear my embrace, but rather look at me as if to say "I made it to the finish line...now show me what's on the other side." When I see this, I light up. I love meeting people like this. They do not resist me and they rather open themselves up. If only all humans could meet me this way, then my work wouldn't be so difficult. A soul who has faced troubles and seen them through is always so easy to carry...because they want me to carry them away. I'm always happy to do so...they deserve their rest.
Not all elderly folk act this way though...there are some who resist me and cling to life. There's nothing wrong with this, but it just shows that they are not ready to go. It's not uncommon...but it can be a bit more difficult to deal with. Also, it's not like there aren't younger humans who meet me with peace and welcoming. I once met a young boy who had been sick for almost a year...and when I came for him, I expected him to resist. I thought for sure that he would beg me to wait a little longer. However, he was quite welcoming...like an old man who was expecting company. When I came for him, he looked at me and he gave me the sweetest smile. He inhaled and nodded...knowing that it was time. He didn't struggle or fight me as I embraced him. Again...I wish that all souls were like this when I came for them.
There are times when I come to a soul that puts up such a fight, that it takes time to remove their souls. Let me make this clear: When your time is up, it is up. If God tells me to take someone, I will take them. With that said...sometimes there is a struggle involved. Not all souls go peacefully. I once came to a man who was not welcoming and tried all he could to prolong my coming. He struggled, he took countless medical treatments for his ailments and he prayed to every god he could think of...but in the end, I did take him. Oddly enough...I came for him not because of his disease, but because he overdosed on the treatment medication. How strangely ironic. That which can cure, can kill. Regardless, his soul fought me and tried to cling to his body. But in the end, I was stronger. I removed his soul, and at last he ceased to fight me.
I am telling you all these things to sort of create a concept...the thought of meeting me. One day you and I will meet...that's just a fact. But, I can only imagine what it must be like to meet me...so see me for the first time. I wonder what it is to see me and recognize me for what I am. Plenty of people have made some interesting depictions of what that must be like. I've heard a lot of jokes made about this. In fact there is an old joke from the Middle East that involves me meeting a young merchant's servant. In fact the joke is told from my perspective! It goes: "There was a merchant in Baghdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant came back, white and trembling, and said, "Master, just now when I was in the marketplace I was jostled by a woman in the crowd and when I turned I saw it was Death that jostled me. She looked at me and made a threatening gesture, now, lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate. I will go to Samarra and there Death will not find me."
The merchant lent him his horse, and the servant mounted it, and as fast as the horse could gallop he went. Then the merchant went down to the marketplace and he saw me standing in the crowd and he came to me and said, "Why did you make a threatening gesture to my servant when you saw him this morning?"
I told him "That was not a threatening gesture, it was only a start of surprise. I was astonished to see him in Baghdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra.""
I actually think this joke is rather funny. This event has never happened before, but it's really nice to think about. I wish that I could carry on casual conversation with you humans like that. If I could express myself to you as you do to each other, that would make things so much easier for me, and I know that there would be much fewer misunderstandings between us. Perhaps then you might see me as one with just intentions rather than one who is a being of evil and malice.
What would you say to me if you had the chance? What would you ask of me? I know there are plenty of things I would want to ask you and say to you. However, my curiosities and questions will have to wait. My time is about up.
One day we'll meet...and when that day comes, how will I find your soul? Will you resist me and cling to life? Will you look upon me with respect and, dare I say, a little humor? Or will you accept me with open arms, prepared for my embrace? I can't answer this...only you can. Regardless, I must go back to work.
You know...it's been quite a while since I first started writing in this diary. I must admit, it's nice to keep a diary. I will write again soon.